Saturday, May 28, 2022

A note about Metamucil.

So, before I underwent my colonoscopy, my boss told me I should start on Metamucil. She said she and her husband both took it regularly and it's made a big difference in their "regularity." She said her husband got his colonoscopy after being in Metamucil and the gastro doc said his colon looked really good. 

I then head Howard Stern talk about how he's on Metamucil and his BMs have"improved" tremendously. He said it's made a big difference in his bowel health. 

So I've decided I'm going to start taking Metamucil every day. I think it's the healthy thing to do. Especially because I don't get enough fiber. No, I am not compensated by Metamucil. I'm recommending it because I think it's a good idea. Take it how you will.

28 May: Saturday goomdrapner.

Back at home, and this poo came before I started my first cup of coffee. This poo just fell out of my bunghole. All I had to do was unkink the old sphincter a little. And just like that--splorch. Sometimes you just can't hold poo back. The rectum fills with poo, and the poo starts knocking. The rectum fills, and it's time to poo. That's how it works. You can always count on getting a lesson in the blog. You're welcome.

eNjoy.

27 May: Friday bloogquinty.

Last poo in the mountain cabin toilet. Dropped the load, read for a while, showered and then loaded the car in a torrential downpour. Seriously, I thought I was going to need a canoe to get out of that valley. The poo was just a plop. A plop of poo. A plorch of plooch. Whatever its form, it's still poo. 

eNjoy 

26 May: Thursday blicksonfromd.

Dropped my regular morning poo in my mountain retreat. Then went to have a HUGE lunch of BBQ brisket. I love beef brisket. So, because I knew I'd have to poo again after lunch, I just went back to the cabin to await the poo (and avoid what happened to be the day before). And poo again I did. A pure, liquid doggle of poo. There you go. Fail to plan and plan to fail. 

eNjoy.

25 May: Wednesday krimpleyunk.

Another mountain morning poo. Beefy and splirchy. Middle of the week, enjoying my vacation. Eating lots of carbs. Ate a big lunch, and then had to poo again while driving through an interesting little town. I mean, I really had to poo. Saw a really cool library, and went inside to use their toilet. Only one stall, but luckily unoccupied. Dropped my completely liquid deposit, wiped and left. Thanks, cool little library! You saved me from shitting my pants. 

eNjoy.

24 May: Tuesday plorchblinker.

On a mini vacation up in the mountains. Nice view, and as you might notice, different toilet. Different is good, right? Nice little loglets. Can't wait to see what the rest of the week holds!

eNjoy.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

23 May: Monday splumperfoink.

Getting ready to go on a mini vacation and started off with a big, fat poo.  Loafy and glumpy. Plumpy and juntny. Nice poo and a good poo pic. 

eNjoy.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

22 May: Sunday florchumple.

Dropped a big, beefy load this morning. This was born of all of the carbs I ate yesterday. So, that's my finding: eating lots of carbs means serious poos. I did notice that when I was eating strictly low carb, i pooed much less frequently. Nice looking poo and a good poo pic.

eNjoy.

Saturday, May 21, 2022

A note about hemorrhoids.

As you saw from the pictures of my colonoscopy, I have hemorrhoids. They're on the inside of my asshole--they are internal hemorrhoids. Those are the good kind. I didn't even know I had them until my colonoscopy 5 years ago.  They can be scary sometimes because they can bleed. That's what happened last November when I had obvious blood in my stool three times in a week (yep, I blogged about them). So what's the takeaway here? Blood in your stool is not a reason to go to red alert. If it's bright red blood (in your poo), there's a pretty good chance it's due to hemorrhoids (if you're older, that is).

External hemorrhoids are the kind you don't want. They are in the outside of your asshole. Those can be really painful and itchy. My father had external hemorrhoids so bad once the only relief he could get was by sitting in a tub of warm water. 

So, I still have hemorrhoids--5 years later. I probably always will. Most people develop hemorrhoids at some point in their lives. But it isn't a disaster (unless you're unlucky enough to get the external kind). IMO blood in your stool doesn't automatically mean a medical emergency. (Once again, I remind people I'm NOT a doctor, and this isn't meant to be medical advice.) Now, if you're bleeding profusely from your anus, for a long time, go see a doctor. If you're really concerned about something in your poo, go see a doctor. Otherwise, just enjoy your poo. 

21 May: Saturday toogegrinter.

Dropped two poos this morning. Second one came 45 minutes after the first. Neither was spectacular. But it's still poo. Second poo burned a little. Not sure why--I didn't eat anything hot yesterday. My poo is always surprising me--keeping me on my toes. 

eNjoy.

19 May: Thursday glorpuschord.

This was the first of 3 craps Thursday. Second two were completely liquid. Like hot turd soup squirting out of my bunghole. I just don't know why sometimes the contents of my bowel turn to liquid and absolutely must come out Right! Now! My large intestine never ceases to amaze and puzzle me.

eNjoy.

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

18 May: Wednesday glorcherfrod.

Dropped a big, fat poo this morning. Morning poo. I pooed this morning. Felt like a big one chumming out, but it sank and provided less than a stellar poo pic. Kind of fuzzy and glunky. Oh well. They can't all be winners, right?

eNjoy.

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

17 May: Tuesday blorplergoinch.

So, day off yesterday, starting the work week off today. Been working from home since mid March 2020 sure to the pandemic. It's still hard to believe. It's like the bizarro world. It really is like we're living in a simulation and somebody or something is tweaking the dials. But if we are living in a simulation, it's detailed enough to let me track my poos. And I so keep tracking. Interesting little dollop that. Kind goopy and bloopy. There you go.

eNjoy.

Monday, May 16, 2022

16 May: Monday churningploonz.

So, have a day off today. Drinking coffee, and I had to poo. Familiar story, right? As Dr. Ian Malcom said in Jurassic Park: "When you gotta go, you gotta go." I say, "when you gotta poo, you gotta poo." Words to live by. 

eNjoy.

Sunday, May 15, 2022

15 May: Sunday blorbinguorn.

Carbed it up good yesterday--had a big bacon cheeseburger and fries for lunch. That made for one big, beefy poo today. Nice poo, good poo pic. These logs sort of floated just below the surface. Really solid effort. Sharp lines, good contrast. Poo as art. Second poo came after a delicious poke bowl, loaded with tuna. Bowl was really good, and induced a second poo. 

eNjoy.

Saturday, May 14, 2022

14 May: Saturday schblurtgorfy.

So, woke up for a regular Saturday morning. Had a cup of coffee, and then had a poo. Imagine that. Not a bad looking poo. Pretty sure by bowel function of course to normal. And I don't have to go through another colonoscopy for another 5 years. Woo-HOO! They you go. Happy poo, happy days 

eNjoy.

13 May: Friday bloogherspoink.

First poo after my colonoscopy. Just okay. I'm just happy to be crapping solid. These little nuggets sank right to the bottom. Shy little guys--they didn't want to see the light. That's okay. It's still a good picture. And happy to be pooing knowing I don't have colon cancer!

(BTW, I weighed in a pound and a half less than I did the previous Friday. This despite eating bread early Wednesday morning, and feasting on carbs Thursday afternoon after my procedure. I do not lose weight when eating carbs. Just shows what large amounts of laxatives can do for your weight.)
 
eNjoy.

Thursday, May 12, 2022

12 May: colonoscopy day.

So, I woke up at 2 am and had to poo. All liquid. Woke up at 5 am, drank the rest of the polyethylene glycol solution. Had my last real anal discharge (can't really call it poo) at about 8 am. Showered at 9, colonoscopy at 10. Go into the back, change into a hospital gown, IV in, go into the exam room, propofol push, fall asleep. I actually woke up in the middle of the procedure, but that wasn't a problem. Woke up again, in the same place I started. Fairly normal results. They found 2 small polyps that were removed. No other issues, aside from hemorrhoids. But everybody, eventually, gets hemorrhoids. You can see the results in the picture below (the polyps are indicated by the tiny white arrows).

That's it. The worst part was the prep the day before. That entails consuming large amounts of laxatives and then shitting your brains out. For 3 or more hours. This was my third colonoscopy, and the easiest one yet. My asshole didn't even get sore after all of the wiping. If you're worried about your bowel function, go get tested. It really isn't a big deal.. And I believe they are now recommending people get their first colonoscopy at age 45. There it is: get a colonoscopy, don't die of colon cancer.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

11 May: Wednesday colonoscopy prep day.

First picture is the colonoscopy prep kit. I started the prep at 5 pm. By 7:30 I was crapping yellowish liquid (second pic--looks like piss but it came out of my ass). All pooed out. I've been off solid foods since 10 am. It didn't take me long to get the poo out of my system. I drink another 32 oz. mixture of polyethylene glycol (and Gatorade) first thing in the morning. Nothing in my stomach after 6 am. Procedure at 10 am. I'll let you know how it goes! 

9 May: Monday flonkgitner.

Last regular poo pic before the colonoscopy. Normal poo pic. But at least it's poo. I woke up Tuesday morning at 1 am with pretty intense intestinal spasms. I pooed in the dark because I wanted to go back to sleep. No poo pic. Pooed several times Tuesday but they were mostly liquid. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

8 May: Sunday chorklets.

Started off the week (Sunday is technically the beginning of the week) with a poo! What a surprise! This is also the week I get my 5 year colonoscopy. I'll be posting more about that later this week, including about the preparation. I'm also curious about what this did to my weight. More later! 

eNjoy.

Saturday, May 7, 2022

7 May: Saturday chultzperidian.

At this writing, this if the first of 3 poos this morning. Second and third poos were completely liquid. It's looking like it's going to be one of those days. If you haven't seen the movie "Nomadland," it's about a whole subculture of modern day nomads--people who live in vans. There's a scene where Francis McDormand is sitting in van, and then immediately has to shit in a bucket. That's what the second poo was like: one minute I was fine, the next I was running to the bathroom. I have no idea why the contents of my bowel turn to liquid and must immediately evacuate. Stupid bowel.

eNjoy.

6 May: Friday blurgerspauf.

This poo ended up being softer than it felt coming out. Not a very pretty poo, but a good pic. Great contrast.  The bottom pic is a close up of a satellite poo nugget. Hey, do what I can do.

eNjoy.

Friday, May 6, 2022

5 May: Thursday flukklehorms.

Dropped a second (liquid) poo dump on Tuesday, so I didn't poo Wednesday. Funny thing: Monday and Tuesday I dropped second dumpers. Monday came before lunch and Tuesday it came after. Both second dumpers were completely liquid. Monday I was walking to my front door having just picked up Chipotle for lunch. And I had to rush to the bathroom to poo. And it came out of my ass like I turned on the hose. Close call. 

This is a nice poo pic. Sometimes the old Google Pixel camera does very well. 

eNjoy.

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

3 May: Tuesday flubbinprotch.

I was enjoying my first cup of coffee this morning when I suddenly, immediately had to poo. You know his it is: one minute you're fine, the next minute you're running for the bathroom. And the result of the run to the bathroom was a pile of plort. A plooch of plorger. A big, gooey, soft flop of blork. Not pretty, but still poo.

eNjoy.

Monday, May 2, 2022

2 May: Monday schlobbergorb.

Starting off the work week with a day off! And started off the day with a poo! Not a bad looking poo! Sort of glorphy glumph. A pile of plorph. A goomph of blorph. There you go.

eNjoy.

Sunday, May 1, 2022

1 May: Sunday ploofingjorts.

Woke up this morning and had a nice poo. Just the teeniest little tip of poo out if the water is what I focused on. That's why you see the soft mist in the lower middle. Almost ghost like. Cool little poo that looks like it's standing up to reach the water.

eNjoy.

30 April: Saturday florkleboind.

Just a couple of florpkes of poo. Nice, rich brown and tubular. Really clear picture. Good poo pic. And I nice looking poo. There you go. Need anything else be said?

eNjoy.

29 April: Friday blorbitschtul.

A fat phool of poo. A blorb of poo. A poo florb. A blob of poo. A poo glorp. It's kind of bulbous and gloopy. But the prettiest poo, but still a contender.

eNjoy.

Howard Stern's poo.

I heard Howard Stern say the other day on his SiriusXM radio show that because of the way he eats, his shit doesn't stink. Now, I know Howard Stern must have a pretty high opinion of himself, but for him to say that his shit doesn't stink--that sounds like narcissism to me. Honestly Howard, you're shit doesn't stink? Howard, EVERYbody's shit stinks. EVERYBODY'S. My poo stinks. YOUR poo stinks. The Pope's poo stinks. 

The next thing you know, Howard is going to say that he shits white.

27 April: Wednesday sculpooter.

This poo was a little weird--kind of soft and ethereal. A poo floating in a dream.  Requiem for a poo. 

eNjoy.

26 April: Tuesday plagrundle.

Kind of a noisy and grunchy poo. Cool color contrast. Nice lines. Not a bad poo pic.

eNjoy.